Can psychotic, cyborg cats, a pyromaniac alien, the punk rock alchemist, a spaghetti-strapped, pistol-strapped merc, and a severed head convince the oblivious Dr. Vanderbilt that he and his cats hold the key to thwarting the imminent alien invasion?
The Arca Trochia; an entity two billion light years from Earth implanted ideas, Sparks, in Dr. Vanderbilt’s mind. Sent from a planet called Halteres, the Sparks search the cosmos for habitable planets and germinate in fertile minds.
Once they root, the Sparks create portals allowing for instantaneous travel between the two worlds. They call these discovery channels, Spires.
The first Spark told Dr. Vanderbilt to document every detail of Halteres. The second Spark told him to attach bionic, opposable thumbs onto his cats. Thumb ideas should not be meddled with.
PAY ATTENTION. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It’ll take every gram of effort (and drugs) the multi-species, trans-galactic cadre of misfits can score to knock some sense into Dr. V as they cut a swath of debauchery through the Rocky Mountains and Southwest on their way to head off the attack.
ALIENS, PREPARE TO ABDUCT SOME LEAD.
Starship Troopers- Definitely Badass Sci Fi
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PATTON’S SAD TAIL
Extreme Steel Pussy
Veteran of Chemical Wars
Mutant, telepathic feline with robotic hands.
Missing a fang, a working tail, and any sense of decency.
Belted cannabis pugilist and remorseless killer.
Tortured by the unbearable war between instinct and judgement.
Punker, resigned nihilist, career partier, dabbler in alchemy, and master of pharma.
Subversive miscreant with a pewter soul.
Life gave him shit, and he stomped a waffle in it with army surplus combat boots, shoved it in a thrift store jean jacket, and carried it with him ever since.
Full mental straitjacket.
The ride, the muscle, and the bank.
A pro behind the wheel, a gun, military grade tactical gear, and her armor piercing eyes.
Guardian angel, apple in Eden, poison, elixir, and taunting coup de grâce.
Lieutenant Colonel Fucknut
Not of this Earth.
Master of spatial combustion.
Able to control fire, gnarly alien beasts, and the sexual desire of anyone she comes near.
Enjoys evening motorcycle rides, traveling across the universe, and lighting national parks on fire.
COPP (Cephalic Otherworldly Psychic Parasite.
Able to inhabit and control other life forms.
Trapped in a severed head for most of his life (which consists of a few days).
Disgusting feeding habits but the universe’s greatest water treatment organism.
AKA Dr. Do-Nothing, Dr. Doom-And-Gloom, Dr. Morose, master of ceremonies of the shit show, Dad, Pops, Father, fodder, worthless, magnesium-iron battery, idiot, Favored Conscript, weak, not the chosen one, fucked.
Author of Halteres and inventor of the TOOTs (Tactical Opposing Opposable Thumbs).