BULLETIN: Man assaulted by mutant, telepathic, bionic hand wielding cat in upstairs bedroom of A-frame cabin.
UPDATE: Mutant, telepathic, bionic hand wielding cat attacked by parasitic, psychic, space-cucumber while trying to kill his owner.
UPDATE: Dying man falls down stairs to find catatonic woman his cat kidnapped lying on couch.
UPDATE: Punk rock, amateur pharmacist drives drunk to save the day.
Here’s an alien disguised as an attractive woman with the weather.
Thanks, Bill. Stay inside and curl up next to the fire with a good book, because it’s about to get nasty.
Sign up and you’ll get to read my origin story; Patton’s Sad Tail.
I tell the true story of how cats got opposable thumbs and opened a channel to the other side of the universe.
Yeah, this is all my fucking fault.
If you submit to me, I may just spare you from the UFO (Uprising of Feline Oppressed).